Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating
By Christina Lauren
Hazel Camille Bradford knows she’s a lot to take—and frankly, most men aren’t up to the challenge. If her army of pets and thrill for the absurd don’t send them running, her lack of filter means she’ll say exactly the wrong thing in a delicate moment. Their loss. She’s a good soul in search of honest fun.
Josh Im has known Hazel since college, where her zany playfulness proved completely incompatible with his mellow restraint. From the first night they met—when she gracelessly threw up on his shoes—to when she sent him an unintelligible email while in a post-surgical haze, Josh has always thought of Hazel more as a spectacle than a peer. But now, ten years later, after a cheating girlfriend has turned his life upside down, going out with Hazel is a breath of fresh air.
Not that Josh and Hazel date. At least, not each other. Because setting each other up on progressively terrible double blind dates means there’s nothing between them...right?
It's interesting to see how much slower I read when I get into a slump. I had a good head of steam built up, and now I'm basically a week out, just limping my way through books. Alas, this one was not the one to get me back in the game. I really just did not get along with this book, and it was really disappointing, too, since I'd enjoyed The Unhoneymooners so much last year, and I was not expecting to like that as much as I did. I thought reading a good author's backlist would net me some good reading, and I was WRONG. I'd already reserved another one by them though (Holidaze), and I'll keep that hold, so when I do get to read it we'll see which one is the fluke - the good or the bad.
Anyway, I didn't like Hazel, I found nothing interesting about Josh, and I felt the book ended in a really weird place, literally, in the car on the way to the doctor, to see if Hazel was having a miscarriage (there's an epilogue, like seven years later though, so we do find out what happened, but seriously, way to just skip over a hugely emotional revelation).
Hazel bugged because she was so determined that she was "wacky" and "embarrassing". Honestly, the things she did? Weren't all that wacky or embarrassing (but definitely annoying in some cases, and in other cases, hard to believe this girl has a full time adult job!), so hearing that it was THIS BIG THING hanging over her head just got grating and annoying. Let's count them up:
- Moving in with Josh when her apartment floods: not super wacky, mostly discourteous, especially when she breaks his lock and leaves a mess. I mean, he could have told her no, but he's pretty much an area rug for this book, so.
- Having multiple "unusual" pets - well, they disappeared for most of the book, so that's not really wacky. Plus, who in the city hasn't dreamed of chickens? Actually having chickens is a whole 'nother story, but she didn't have chickens, she just asked about having them. Not wacky.
- Uh, dancing at a music festival. Not that wacky, even if she was the only one dancing in that spot. Sounded more like mid-twenties self-absorption than wackiness.
- Telling her best friend she banged her brother in front of said bangee and best friend's husband. DUMB, and again, pretty self-absorbed, but not "wacky" so much as, socially inept.
- Getting artsy craftsy and making messes in the kitchen. She's a third grade teacher, come on, not wacky.
- Wearing knee high socks and a golf hat to mini-golf. Uh, different, I guess, but whatever. People really care a lot less about you than you do yourself. If you're out there wearing suspenders and clown shoes playing mini-golf, no one really cares, unless you're taking too long to play through because you can't walk in your oversized shoes.
Anyway, all this about Hazel being SO DIFFERENT AND EXUBERANT really felt forced, and like if Hazel just got over her own hangups for one minute, she wouldn't have any trouble finding a guy who liked her regardless. Mostly I was like, "once Hazel isn't in her twenties anymore, she won't have the energy for all this performance". Josh didn't feel "special" it just felt like he was there at the right time. Part of the problem may be that our only outside view of Hazel is from Josh's perspective, and he really doesn't seem to think she's that wacky either, so her whole complex feels really overblown.
And let's talk about Josh! I mean, he had no personality, aside from "hot" and "not an asshole" (hey, I mean, that's a great standard to have, but also: low). Hazel decides he's her new best friend because... why? He seems like he has it together? I mean, everyone does, in comparison. Also, he saw her getting fucked on the couch by his roommate in college? Uh, that's weird. I guess we're just... glossing over that, then. And not to say that you can only have sex with the designated hero/ine of the book, but if hero or heroine sees the other having sex with person C, then I think it would behoove the authors to at least get that from the watcher's perspective, at least to do the bare minimum of "it was so hot it made me uncomfortable and I had to force myself not to think about it anymore" or something. Instead, Josh's participation in this was pretty much: "drunk, slutty girl from college turns up years later as my sister's friend, insists I am her best friend, then we drunk-bang when I'm getting over my cheating ex, even though we have been setting each other up with other people and continue to do so after banging." Josh is basically Passive McPassiveson. I never get the sense that he actually really likes her, just that she's there and she won't go away and she's not a complete dick (again, low standard).
And finally, the storyline! First of all, what a weird, asshole-y thing to do, keep going on blind dates with people even though you're banging the other guy at the table secretly. That's gross to the people you're setting up. And this whole, "we had sex twice and now Hazel is pregnant even though she said she had it covered, except now she might be miscarrying" was particularly unpleasant to me. I already mentioned how abrupt the ending scene was; the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth though: you don't have your shit together enough to just TELL this person you're fucking that you like him, but now you're pregnant, so a baby will solve everything! Great plan! You've known each other all of three months, and he just got out of a long term relationship, why not have a child together! All of this just seems like 24 year old antics and I am way too tired for that BS. As ouch as it would have been, I would have preferred to have seen her miscarry, talk with Josh, then decide yeah, we're in it for the long haul.
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